Bittersweet

It's both odd and exhilarating to think that our child could already be born now. Alternately, he or she could still be in his or her birthmother's womb.

In light of this, I've been thinking about the birthmother lately. This is the first of what I'm sure are many bittersweet moments to come in our lives as an adoptive family. Certainly, this time is full of joy for us at the thought that we will soon be seeing the first images of our new baby. But at the same time, somewhere on the other side of the world, a young woman is going through the very heartwrenching process of giving her baby up for adoption. No doubt she's cried a lot over the decision, has run through every possible scenario trying to figure out if she can raise the child on her own viably. She might be feeling a lot of guilt, wondering if her child would ever forgive her for making the conscious choice to step out of his or her life at this point. She is in the unenviable position of holding her baby in her arms, the child she has carried in her womb for 9 months, and then forcing herself to relinquish the baby into someone else's care.

Perhaps I'm projecting too much, but my own instincts as a mother tell me that any woman of sound mind would sooner tear her heart out than be in this situation. I am deeply humbled by the birthmother's selflessness, courage, and determination to forge a new life for her child. I find myself praying for her, particularly that she might be stengthened and comforted as she goes through such a heartbreaking time. I pray this not because I stand to benefit - she will make the decision regardless of us - but because I cannot help but imagine the agony she must be enduring out of love for her child.

My hope is that one day our child will understand the depth of her sacrifice and the selfless love that motivated it. If the birthmother extends an invitation to meet her when we travel to Taiwan (I understand some choose to do so), I would leap at the opportunity to communicate our gratitude in whatever poor bits and scraps of Mandarin I can muster. The words "Shieh-Shieh" dont' even begin to encompass the sentiment.