Ai-Yo! is a Chinese phrase that expresses shock and disbelief. It appropriately describes my reaction this morning upon opening up an email from another member of one of the Yahoo adoption groups we've joined.
In a nutshell, she wanted to find out if we had any interest in adopting a Taiwanese baby girl from an unwed mother. The child is due sometime in September. The poster herself is Taiwanese-American and completed an independent adoption not too long ago. In fact, her son was born at the same hospital at which this child is due. Based upon that connection, someone at the hospital called to notify her about the baby for adoption.
Understand that the tricky thing about adopting independently is that you have to find foster care for the child during the 4-6 months in which the adoption case sits in the Taiwanese courts. Not many American adoptive families have family or other contacts in-country whom they can persuade to raise a newborn for that long. Because she knows that I have relatives in Taiwan, she very thoughtfully decided to contact me. It so turns out from a conversation with my mother earlier today that I just might have a relative or two who would be willing to foster the child until the court process ends.
Now I am a person who values predictibility, thrives on it. I am the Meyers-Briggs poster child of the INFJ to a fault. Just when I thought things were chugging along smoothly with our agency adoption, when we were ever so close to a referral, this proposition came along. Ai-yo! Don't get me wrong; we'd jump at the chance to speed up our wait. This adoption promises many advantages, i.e., a chance to get to know the birthmother more personally, for the child to establish better contact with her should s/he one day choose to do so, to ensure that the baby is in good hands with relatives and receiving one-on-one nurturing. Who wouldn't want that? I have to admit it's so tempting. I know there are countless parents on the Taiwan adoption message boards who would give anything to be in this position.
But alas, my risk-adverse, stay-the-course side screams out, "Crazy woman, what are you doing?!!!" We are this close to receiving an agency referral. What if the birthmother changes her mind and keeps the child during the 4-6 month court process? I don't know our agency's policy on switching to an independent adoption, but I would not be surprised if we got bumped to the back of the waiting list (which at last report was now at 18 months to referral for a health male child or up to 24 months for a healthy girl). What if we foul up the paperwork? We have no idea what we're doing when it comes to adopting independently. We're working on the assumption that this is a legitimate adoption offer, but in the back of our minds, we have to be extremely cautious. There are many horror stories about birthmother scams and we would be wise to take my Yahoo group member's advice to dispatch a relative to meet with the birthmother and her family to investigate further.
Ai-yo indeed.
This is definitely a matter for deep consideration, talk amongst ourselves, and prayer. I'm due to call back the woman who contacted us tonight. Stay tuned to hear what we've decided...
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3 comments:
Just think about it and don't discount it....you never know, this may be your child!!
Holy cow. Well, this is how I would think of it. The birthmother must be very serious if she's searching for someone to internationally adopt this child. I would think this situation could make you and the child feel very chosen, knowing that the birthmother had so much input in selecting the adoptive family. I would think this private route would be much less expensive on the fees end, so perhaps one or both of you could travel to Taiwan to see the child once or twice before things are finalized and you could bring her home. It would be unsettling to have to figure this out on your own from so far away. You could always ask the agency what services they could provide you (and you would pay for) to help get your case through the Taiwan courts. It doesn't hurt to ask. Our agency hasn't had any infant girl referrals since May, so who knows how long the wait time will be because the "pink line" has stagnated. Good luck in your decisionmaking. I have no idea what I would do in your case, besides pray a lot to try and figure it out. This has to be very hard!
Oh my goodness. Keep us posted, of course.
Tisra
waiting for girl referral, FFC (April 2007)
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