10 Things You Always Wanted to Know but...

One of the things I appreciate most about other families' adoption blogs is the wealth of information they contain. Adopting a child two continents and an ocean away can sometimes feel like finding your way through a poorly lit room with only a cigarette lighter to guide you (which, incidentally, is how we saw and settled upon our first apartment in New York City.)

Each adoption agency working with Taiwan has its own procedures and criteria. They each work with different orphanages which operate according to their own rules. Add to that the different governmental hoops families must jump through on both the U.S. and Taiwan sides. Considering all of this, whatever information an adoptive parent can piece together from the sources available is golden.

Earlier this week, I had the opportunity to chat at length with Laura at FFC. I barraged the woman with a ton of questions that we had about the referral process. Thankfully, she was game enough to respond. With hopes that I might be able to shed some light for other families and anyone else interested in the nitty gritty details, I thought I'd post some of the questions I asked and the answers I received. Much of the information is specific to FFC families only and/or to children residing at St. Lucy's.

Q: Why do infants get referred after several months of being born?

A: The directors at St. Lucy's prefer to wait at least 60 days in order to better evaluate the children for health and other issues. In some cases, the social worker goes through counseling with the birth family during this time. With the amount of paperwork they have to process, St. Lucy's staff can get overworked. They may not always be able to notify agencies of referrals the moment they become available.

Q: How are the children matched with their adoptive families at St. Lucy's?

A: FFC sends St. Lucy's the homestudies of the next few families at the top of their waiting lists. When appropriate children come up for referral, the staff carefully considers the family's suitability for the child. Because St. Lucy's is a Catholic institution, they commit each child and his/her prospectivce family to prayer prior to making a decision.

Q: When should we expect to receive updates on our child during the waiting process?

A: St. Lucy's aims to provide updates during the last week of each month. These should include the child's height, weight, head circumference, and two to five pictures. Recently, they have started sending medical checklists with more detailed information on the child's milestones (ex., how many new teeth have come in, when the child learned to sit) and any other relevant details (ex., illnesses, doctors' visits). It is not unusual for St. Lucy's to be late in delivering the monthly updates to FFC.

Q: Will we be updated on the status of our court process?

A: No. While families with children in the Chung Yi orphanage may get updates on how their cases are progressing, St. Lucy's doesn't provide updates until a case reaches the final ruling stage.

Q: What's the likelihood that we will have a chance to meet the birthmother while in Taiwan?

A: About one third of families have this opportunity. As recently as 9 months ago, St. Lucy's had put an end to birthmother meetings because of the emotional stress the meetings placed up on the women, many of whom were very young. However, they have recently re-allowed them, provided the birth family agrees to the meeting.

Q: Is my child's name one that the orphanage gave or did the birthfamily give it to him?

A: For children who don't have a name already, St. Lucy's provides a name. Children born the same year all receive the same first half of a name, i.e., "X-1, X-2, X-3." (Based on that, I think it's fair to assume our son's name was given by his birthfamily.)

Q: Can my relatives in Taiwan visit our child and take pictures of him?

A: St. Lucy's point of view is that the child doesn't legally belong to the adoptive family until the final decree. The answer to this question should be viewed in this light.

Q: May I request that additional medical tests be run on my child?

A: Yes. St. Lucy's is willing to consider requests for additional medical tests, but they must be submitted through the agency in writing with the name of the physician making the request and a reason for them. Afterwards, it can take about 8 weeks for the tests to finally be run. Note that if the birthmother's blood tests don't reveal anything of concern, a blood test will not typically be run on the baby. Should a significant previously uncovered medical condition show up in the child after the referral has been accepted, a family may have the option of requesting a different referral.

Q: Are birthmothers at St. Lucy's aware of with whom their children are getting placed?

A: They are not given any details of the family until the case has reached the final decree stage in the courts. Information is then available only if the birthmother requests it.

Q: What are the rules for sending care packages to our child?

A: Packages are due at the FFC office no later than the last day of each month. All items must be comfortably condensed into a one gallon Ziploc bag. Do not overstuff it. St. Lucy's has plenty of clothing for babies. They are, however, in constant need of diapers. Right before travelling, FFC will ask families to bring with them to Taiwan a suitcase full of diapers (or whatever it is St. Lucy's might need at that time).