Who's Your Mama?

One of the things I've been mulling over is how to refer to myself in William's presence. Should I call myself "Mama" - the Mandarin word for "mother"? The word slips out so effortlessly when I speak to him in Chinese. Should I call myself, "Mommy," the name I use when speaking with Andrew?

I've decided to make a conscious effort to refer to myself as the latter. Here's why: having spent 9 months in the womb of another woman who has likely referred to herself as "Mama" and having been visited by her several times while at St. Lucy's, William could very likely be confused when hearing another woman call herself the same name. It is a special word fraught with so much meaning that to call myself the same thing would be a crime of sorts. So, "Mommy" it is.

The trickier thing is how we will refer to his birthmother when he is of age to discuss her. Right now, I'm leaning toward calling her by her first name+"Mama," sort of a cutesy-sweet way of referring to a mother in Chinese. However, even that is controversial. I remember reading a post by an adopted woman who felt strongly that calling anyone but her adoptive mom "Mother" or "Mama" was wrong and confusing. After all, the adoptive mom was the one who changed her diapers, dealt with her tantrums, and did the hard work of raising her (no discredit meant to the birthmother, who made a great sacrifice on her daughter's behalf). It's such a complicated issue. Thankfully, we have at least a year to think through it.

For now, as far as William is concerned, I am "Mommy" to him. But, like all beginner talkers, "Mama" is what comes out of his mouth. Consider this: earlier today, Craig was holding William after feeding him. When William saw me enter the room, he immediately wanted out of his arms. He squirmed around, reached out for me, and pouted, "Muh-muh, Muh-muh." Perhaps I'm deceiving myself, but I do believe our little boy said his first word today, and I do believe it was my name.

Sorry, Craig. Your day of glory will also come.